Friday 15-10-2021
Finally I made the real switch.
'But Angela, didn't u already?'.
Long answer short, yes but no. I said I was going to change, and made myself believe that I was doing better. I convinced myself that I was doing so much better.
The way I was eating, how much I was working out, the way I was thinking about myself and my goals.
Having a size xxs is nothing to be proud of.
That's something the 'past Angela' would never believe.
Don't even think about saying it out loud before I really start believing that a bigger size would be so much better.
Start eating carbs again. Bigger portions. Not JUST veggies, meat, fish, nuts, yoghurt and fruit!
So FOR NOW!
Goodbye to my scale that I placed in the middle of my room so I could weight myself every day to see if I've put on weight.
What's the point of it anyways? I will mention three scenarios:
You gained weight: You will start to feel bad about yourself. Feel fat, sad, mad, and so much more unnecessary feelings. We can't weight the same every day. How come? The night before you: ate more than you usually do, ate later, consumed more salt > more moisture retention, or perhaps you just need to take a poo :).
You maintained weight: You did't put on weight, but didn't lose it either. You'll still feel bad about the fact that the numbers on the scale haven't gotten down.
You lost weight: In the beginning you'll be happy an dproud you lost weight. But is it really something to be happy about? You will keep the wrong mindset of 'just a little less'. What do I mean by that? You will end up in a vicious circle where you talk yourself into the fact that if you will lose 'just a little more weight, you will stop'. But you won't. It will never be enough. I know, YOU know.
I'm planning on stepping on that sh*tty thing again when I feel like it. That won't be between now and a couple of weeks.
BUT NOW.
The goodbye for ever.
I bought a couple of pants in some smaller sizes. XS and XXS.
Knowing now and accepting the fact that my body just isn't made for such a small size, I've but the pants with the scale away.
My mindset was: 'If I still fit in xxs, that means I'm doing good and that I'm still skinny'.
I can tell, that's NOT an okay mindset lol.
Putting on those jeans from once in a week, to every day to see if I would still fit in.
Not doing this no more. It makes me feel sick when I start thinking about it.
I just had to accept the fact that my healthy body type isn't a xxs or xs.
Before all this, I had a size S/M, and I was feeling great. Mentally and physically.
I looked great, was doing and feeling great... and I am going to achieve that again.
My body gains muscle pretty fast if I may say. Gaining muscle means gaining fat too. MEANS A BIGGER SIZE AND PERHAPS SOME BELLY OR BACK ROLLS.
And why should we care?
We only life ones and we'r not only and just a body.
I'm happy I hid the scale and jeans from myself.
Besides that, this is my firtst 1,5 weeks of rest in more than two years!
On Monday 18-10-2021, my mom and I will go on a nice little trip to the Veluwe.
I won't be working out for more than a week, and that's okay.
I feel that my body and head will thank me for this rest I will be giving them!
Planning on posting about the daily activities we will be doing and pictures of course!
We only life ones and we are not only and just a body.
Stay up to date!
LOTS OF LOVE! <3
Angela :) <3
#edrecovery #recoverywarrior #recoveryispossible #motivation #fyp #foryoupage #PMI #positivity #inspiration #mentalhealth #backtohealthy #progressnotperfection #mentalhealthmatters #relapse #lifeyourney #bodypositivity #selflove #ed #edawareness #bestfriend #cravings #accomplisment #fitness #proud #anorexia #northernlights #story #poem #selfwritten #englishpoem #recoverystory #butterfly #quote #change #youarenotalone #scale #weightgain #jeans #selfacceptance #selflove #bulking
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